Boiling Point: How Separation Shapes Us — And Who We Become
- United-in-Separation
- Aug 13
- 3 min read
Separation and divorce can feel like standing in the middle of a storm you never saw coming. For many, it’s one of the most emotionally intense, disorienting, and life-changing experiences they will ever go through. And yet, what’s fascinating, and often overlooked, is how differently people emerge from that storm.
I was reminded of this recently in the most unexpected place: my own kitchen.
I was watching my wife at work, cooking dinner. On the stove, potatoes and eggs were boiling together in the same pot, under the same rolling bubbles, in the same steaming heat. But here’s what struck me: when the timer went off and they were lifted out, the potatoes, once tough and firm, had softened. And the eggs, once fragile and liquid, had hardened inside.
Same process, same heat, totally different outcomes.
This simple moment mirrored something profound about life, especially about separation and divorce.
Two people can go through the same heartbreak, the same legal process, the same unravelling of shared dreams, yet come out of it as completely different people. One person may emerge hardened: stronger, more self-assured, with clearer boundaries. They’ve found an inner resilience they may not have known they had.
The other person may emerge softened: more vulnerable, more reflective, and sometimes more overwhelmed. The experience may humble them, forcing them to confront their fears, wounds, or unhealed parts of themselves.
Neither response is wrong. Neither defines success nor failure. But what matters deeply is awareness — the ability to recognise how the experience is shaping you and what kind of person you want to become because of it.
You may be the one who comes out of divorce with new strength and determination. You may be the one who emerges tender, more open-hearted, more connected to your emotions. Both carry wisdom. Both carry growth.
The boiling point of life—whether due to separation, loss, or trauma, does not just test us; it transforms us. We have a choice in that transformation: we can choose to lift ourselves up or allow the circumstances beyond our control to weigh us down.
So if you are walking through the pain of separation right now, I invite you to pause and reflect:
Am I letting this experience harden me in ways that serve my growth, or in ways that close me off from life?
Am I allowing this experience to soften me in ways that deepen my compassion, or in ways that leave me feeling helpless?
Who do I want to become on the other side of this chapter?
Remember: it’s not the boiling water that determines the outcome, it’s what’s inside of us, and how we respond.
Whether you’re a potato or an egg in this season of life, trust that you are being shaped into someone wiser, stronger, and more fully alive. And most of all, know that you don’t have to go through it alone.
Here’s a warm and engaging call to action you can place at the end of the blog post to invite readers into your offerings:
🌿 Ready to Heal, Grow, and Co-Parent with Strength?
If you’re navigating the challenges of separation or divorce and want to emerge from this season stronger, not just for yourself, but for your children, I offer a 3-month, one-on-one Co-Parenting Coaching Program, designed to walk alongside you on your unique journey. Together, we’ll work through your specific challenges, build confidence, and create a practical roadmap for peaceful, child-centred co-parenting.
✅ Spaces are limited, so if you’re ready to move from survival to strength, let’s connect.
Remember: you don’t have to navigate this boiling point alone — let’s walk through it together.
By: Chris Kolade
Principal Consultant
United-In-Separation®
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