When Life Doesn't Go to Plan: Finding Purpose in the Unexpected

You are not powerless.....

Life doesn’t always unfold the way we imagined. Sometimes it brings joy and fulfilment. Other times, it delivers hard, uncomfortable truths, losses, betrayals, breakdowns, or sharp turns we never saw coming. These moments can shake the foundation of everything we thought was secure.

And yet, even in those dark seasons, especially in them, there may be purpose in the pain.

We often ask, “Why now?” when the timing of a life event feels unfair or overwhelming. But the truth is, not every lesson arrives gently. Some truths only surface when we’re forced to slow down, to stop, to confront what we've been ignoring. And sometimes, the timing itself is what finally compels us to act.

You may not feel ready. You may feel like everything is falling apart. But know this:

“There may never be a perfect time to begin. But there is never a wrong time to do what’s right.”

Even when you can’t control what has happened, you can choose how you respond. You still hold the power to grow, to realign your values, and to walk forward differently.

When Relationships Are Affected

Relationships, romantic, familial, or platonic, are deeply impacted by life’s disruptions. A relationship may fracture under the weight of unspoken tension. Trust may be broken by an unwanted discovery. One partner may feel ready to change, while the other resists. Or, something external, such as loss, illness, or financial hardship, may place an unrelenting strain on the bond.

It’s in these moments that the timing feels most cruel. But even then, the disruption may be offering an invitation:

To reflect instead of reacting

To slow down rather than numb out

To ask deeper questions, like:

·        “What is this moment trying to show me?”

·        “What patterns need to shift?”

·        “What have I been avoiding?”

Relationships are never static; they are either growing or drifting. When everything feels unsteady, it’s not about blaming one another, but about recognising the opportunity to realign with your values and intentions.

For Couples and Parents Facing a Major Rupture

When you're in a relationship,—or co-parenting—and something happens that shakes your world, a betrayal, a breakdown in communication, the threat of separation—the pain can feel unbearable. And when children are involved, the stakes feel even higher.

These moments often don’t come with a warning. They interrupt your rhythm. They demand decisions you never thought you'd have to make. And yet, even these moments can carry an opportunity for healing and transformation.

You may not have chosen the rupture, but you can choose your role in the repair.

·        Will you choose reflection over retaliation?

·        Will you protect your child’s emotional safety, even when your own pain feels overwhelming?

Will you use this moment to re-evaluate what kind of parent—or partner—you want to be from here?

“There may never be a perfect time to face what hurts. But there is never a wrong time to do what’s right, for yourself, for your partner, and most importantly, for your children.”

Even if the relationship cannot be saved in its current form, you still have the power to shape what comes next, with intention, maturity, and care.

·        Reflection Questions

Take a moment of quiet and journal your thoughts on the following:

·        What situation in your life right now feels like it’s happening at the “wrong” time?

·        What emotions are you avoiding feeling fully?

·        What has this disruption made you realise about your values, needs, or priorities?

·        Is there something you’ve been putting off because you’re waiting for the “right” time?

·        What would it mean to take one small, courageous step today?

A Gentle Call to Action

If you're reading this in the middle of a storm, pause and breathe. You don’t need all the answers right now. But you do need to know this:

You are not powerless.

You have the ability to:

·        Respond with clarity instead of chaos

·        Choose growth over bitterness

·        Protect what matters most, especially your children

·        Do what’s right, even if it’s not what’s easy

Whatever season you're in, whether life just shook you, your relationship is being tested, or you're trying to co-parent after a rupture, this is your reminder:

You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment to start again. Begin where you are. Choose what’s right, even when it’s hard.

That’s where real change begins.

By: Chris Kolade

Principal Consultant

United-In-Separation®

https://www.unitedinseparation.com